Please accept my apologies in advance. Although I grew up speaking Doric, I never had much cause to write it and I haven’t had time to run this past Robbie Shepherd, Norman Harper, Don Carney or Robert Lovie (our very own Doric bards) for any kind of accuracy, so bear with me! I’ve been encouraged by the letters received in light of a paper coming before Policy & Resources tomorrow (see here, item 12). Although a serious matter for Aberdeenshire Council to consider, here is a lighthearted take on it and apologies in advance to the Roads Department and the Provost!

Fit like i day? Am sitting here jist pondering a paper due ti be cha’d o’er in Woodhill Hoose i morn. The heid bummers are being asked to find a lot o siller to promote the Gaelic in Aiberdeenshire. Noo, I hinna ony problem wi’ the Gaelic spik – (I see thon Wikipedia is saying that the Lonach heilanders eence spoke it, bit dasht, I dinna ken if that was afore their drams or efter) – bit it wis aye doric fin I was a quine in Strathdon, and wis that richt across the North East.

There’s a richt stramash at the cooncil wi’ the Gaelic Board demandin jist a bitty mare than us cooncillors are prepared to pairt wi’. They’re speering for new bi-lingual road signs – some o’ the Roads mannies canna spell onywye, so foo on earth wid they hunnel Gaelic?

The vratches are wintin us to pit Gaelic on to posters and policy documents fan we’re already oot the door wi’ darned papers an scrolling doon that new-fangled website tiks lang enough as it is. Whit a sotter it wid be adding mair words. We’re aricht aboot mibbe learning twa-three words o’ greetins although ‘is micht prove a bit o a yoke for the new Provost seein as he’s greetin maist o’ the time.

Noo, am nae wintin tae be contermashious an’ I like ti think that the cooncil is inclusive, but I’d be fair tricket if my fellow chiels wid chaap ‘is gypit plan on the heid the morn and keep a guid hud o’ the baw-bees.